


Gonna take a lot to drag me away from you

by TheIntelligentHufflepuff



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Africa by Toto, Angst, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 21:42:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14881757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheIntelligentHufflepuff/pseuds/TheIntelligentHufflepuff
Summary: Bucky always believed he was the one that loved the most. But when Steve makes a sacrifice for him that could prove all too costly, they both come to realise that maybe they don't love each other so differently after all.[An entirely self-indulgent alternate ending to Infinity War featuring significantly less death, significantly more stucky, and exactly one more 80s meme song as a catalyst for feelings]





	Gonna take a lot to drag me away from you

**Author's Note:**

> I am very tired. I wrote this cos I'm stressed and very, very exhausted from exams, so it might not even be in English for all I know, but I thought it would be cool and I always seem to write Bucky as the one making sacrifices cos protective Bucky is my jam but I felt like Steve should be given the opportunity to be stupid and romantic too. Also practice writing ~emotions~ bc I'm not great at that. Enjoy, if you're inclined to!

Steve lay on a slab in Shuri’s lab, stripped save for his underwear. Maybe it was morbid for Bucky to think of it as a slab, considering Steve wasn't dead- at least yet- but for how beaten he looked the description seemed appropriate: broken ribs, broken nose, fractured skull, dislocated shoulders (both), possible internal hemorrhaging and an entire additional list of minor fractures, bruises, and abrasions. All at the hands of Thanos. Or rather, hand.

 

Bucky shut his eyes, drawing in a shaking breath. The memory of the battle flashed through his mind: they’d been cornered in a clearing, all of the Avengers as well as the Wakandans and Bucky forming a barricade as Wanda struggled to destroy the stone in Vision’s head behind them. Thanos had been held at bay but was growing impatient. Wanda had only needed seconds when he snapped, directing his gauntlet towards a superhero at random. Bucky. He’d braced himself, meeting Thanos square in the eyes- then his vision was blocked by a blonde head, and before Bucky could register anything more than a jolt of annoyance and fear, Steve crumpled. Screaming.

 

“Steve!” Bucky and Sam yelled in unison; Bucky was closer so he got there first, throwing himself forwards only to be repelled by an invisible force. He growled, scrambling back up to beat ineffectually at the barrier with his fist.

 

Behind it, Thanos smirked. With a flick of his tree-trunk wrist, Steve’s arm flung itself out with a resounding crack that had even Okoye wincing in sympathy. In his peripheral, Bucky noted that the flicker of Wanda’s red light had died down. Like everyone else, she was frozen in horror.

 

“Carry on!” Natasha snapped at her. She must have done; though Bucky couldn't tear his eyes off Steve’s now floating form to look, Thanos scowled angrily behind them and intensified his attack, doing something to pull Steve's leg out like a concertina, waxy and flaccid. Bucky felt sick.  

 

To his left, Thor spun his ax, a determined expression on his face. Suddenly, the head drove into the ground, sending lightning crackling through the earth to Thanos. Bucky’s heart skipped in the charged air but the titan was unbothered, absorbing the electricity like a faraday cage and then, to Bucky’s absolute horror, channelling it into Steve. He writhed and whimpered, the sound choked off by his paralysed jaw. Then he was silent.

 

Bucky was going go rip Thanos’ head off.

 

Sam and Rhodes seemed to have a similar idea, both lifting off to fire a barrage of bullets at Thanos’ exposed neck. His eyes widened: Bucky felt a spark of triumph and anticipation. Then Thanos was hoisting Steve up, spreading him out around his neck in a way that looked excruciatingly painful. Using him as a human shield. Disgust curled in Bucky’s stomach along with panic- not only was Steve in agony, his eyes were open.

 

Never, not once in his entire life, had Bucky felt so useless than in that moment, eyes locked with the love of his life as he writhed in agony mere meters away.

 

Then, with almost cinematic timing, Steve’s body was wracked by one last conclusive tremor and his eyes fell shut just as the stone in Vision’s head exploded behind them.

 

Bucky was running before he was really conscious of it, falling to his knees seconds after Steve’s body hit the ground. Around him, the fighting had started again, a fresh wave of dark creatures streaming out of the bushes at their master’s call. Bucky ducked out of the way of one flailing limb on instinct, entirely focussed on digging his shaking hands into Steve’s soft neck to find a pulse. For a few eternities Bucky fought against a rising tide of desperation. Then he found it- a heartbeat, faint but blessedly present.

 

A creature reared its head over Steve’s prone body; Bucky shot it through both eyes.

 

“Barnes!” Sam barked.

 

Bucky glanced up to see him wheeling above, laying down a spray of bullets around them.

 

“He’s alive.” he replied; Sam swore in relief “But barely.”

 

“Get him back to base.” Sam instructed.

 

“What if moving-”

 

Sam cut him off, voice slightly sardonic but nevertheless authoritative “He’s got a hell of a lot more chance surviving a few extra injuries from being moved than he has staying here.”

 

“I’ll take him.” Wanda offered.

 

“No,” Natasha replied “We need you here. Barnes,” she added, appearing at Bucky’s side just in time to disembowel another creature “I’ll go with you. Move.”

 

Bucky nodded, scooped Steve up in a bridal carry that he would’ve hated had he been awake, and ran.

 

Now, watching the stuttering rise and fall of Steve’s broad chest, Bucky finally felt some of the adrenalin from that mad dash across the battlefield ebbing away. In its place settled bone-deep exhaustion and the squirming feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop.

 

The door opened. Bucky didn’t look up, expecting it to be Shuri again, reneging on the promise she’d made to her mother to stop being brilliant for the day and go to sleep. Instead, it was Sam.

 

“Well, shit.” he drawled, not unsympathetically.

 

Bucky’s eyes flicked over to him, then back to Steve. Sam drew a chair from somewhere and sat down, giving Bucky a pointed look as he did so. Bucky remained standing at the foot of the slab, well aware that he looked like a sentry.

 

“How’s he doing?” Sam asked.

 

Bucky swallowed “Almost stable.”

 

“Hm.” Sam nodded excessively “He’ll be fine.”

 

Bucky didn’t reply. Seconds passed in silence. Sam fidgeted in his seat, eyes flickering over Steve’s body, fixing only on points just beyond it while Bucky’s gaze never left. _Coping mechanisms,_ Bucky thought absently.

 

Eventually, Sam asked “D’ya mind if I put some music on?”

 

“Nah,” Bucky shook his head “Just not anything too exciting.”

 

After five minutes of fiddling with technology Bucky felt vindicated in him not understanding, Sam managed to fill the lab with a soft guitar melody. Initially, Bucky didn’t pay the music any mind. Then the chorus kicked in, the lead singer was crooning :

_It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you_ _  
_ _There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do_ _  
_ _I bless the rains down in Africa_ _  
_ _Gonna take some time to do the things we never had_

...and Bucky was sobbing. It was as if every thought and feeling he’d locked away had erupted at once, strangling his lungs and seeping out in tears and snot. The music cut off halfway through a chord, and through the hair falling in his eyes as he doubled over Bucky saw Sam’s legs hurrying towards him.

 

“Whoa, man,” he was saying, wisely not touching “You hurt?”

 

Bucky shook his head, turning away. Then he changed his mind and turned back, forcing himself to squint through the blur of tears to see Steve- still there, the heart rate monitor above him still moving. Bucky couldn’t breathe.

 

“You know where you are, Barnes?” Sam asked, carefully removed.

 

Bucky nodded.

 

“You know what’s happening?”

 

“Yes!” Bucky spat, chest heaving.

 

“Then you wanna tell me what’s wrong, or…?”

 

“No.” Bucky gasped, but then he was afflicted by his therapist’s mantra of emotional honesty “I guess.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Flicking the tears rolling down his cheeks away, Bucky wrestled his quivering lips into stillness long enough to ask “What if I never see him again? He can’t die. He just...he can’t. He can’t, he can’t, he can’t, he-”

 

“Hey, hey, hey.” Sam moved closer, gesturing “Deep breaths. Okay? Deep breaths. Now look at me. Look at me.”

 

Bucky did so. Sam’s face was serious, and the exhaustion was clear in his eyes, but his posture was open and calm.

 

“Steve will be fine.” he declared, like saying it with enough certainty made it true “Nothing’s happened to him that hasn’t happened before, okay?”

 

“But not all at once!” Bucky protested. He didn’t know why.

 

“Maybe not. But he’s never had Shuri to fix him before, either. So he’ll be okay.”

 

“Should’ve been okay in the first place.” Bucky muttered.

 

Sam fixed him with a judgemental look so familiar that it seemed strange to be on the receiving end rather than giving it, but didn’t comment further. Instead, he gestured for Bucky to sit down, settling himself in a chair on the left of the slab with the air of someone well accustomed to a bedside vigil. A small flare of jealousy constricted Bucky’s chest, but he quashed it; he was happy that Steve had friends who loved him, and he had to remind himself that he didn't know everything about Sam- he couldn't know for sure that is wasn't dedication to another friend or relative that had led to Sam adopting the behaviours Bucky had learnt with Steve.

 

Though it appeared Bucky didn't quash his jealousy fast enough.

 

“I'm not leaving.” Sam said pointedly.

 

“I know!”

 

“Cos you were giving me a look telling me to leave .”

 

“Whatever. My brain’s mush. Ignore me.”

 

Sam sighed, shook his head, and tipped his head back. In the next seconds he was asleep. Time passed calmly, measured by the comforting beep of Steve’s heart monitor. Despite himself, Bucky felt his muscles relaxing, posture sagging. Eventually, he admitted defeat and took a chair, pulling it in as close to the slab as possible, so his knees knocked its underside. The beeping continued, Sam snored softly, Bucky’s breathing flattened into a light cycle, and the day’s tolls lured him into unconsciousness…

 

There was a hand in his hair. Not only was it in his hair, it was stroking through it, slightly clumsy fingers catching on the greasy strands. Bucky jerked up. There was only one person who would ever dare to touch him like that, and even he would only do it when Bucky was asleep.

 

“Steve.” he whispered, ridiculously afraid of breaking the moment.

 

“Hey.” Steve croaked. To say he was sitting up would be a gross overstatement, and Bucky could read the pain in every part of his body like a book, but he was awake. Awake and breathing.

 

After getting himself onto the slab in the first place.

 

“I am so, _so_ pissed at you, Rogers!” Bucky hissed. Steve laughed, or maybe he snorted; either way Bucky slapped him. Gently, but with intent.

 

“ _Seriously.”_

 

He found himself gripping Steve’s hand- they didn’t _do_ that, but it was the only part of Steve he was confident he couldn’t hurt

 

“You would’a _died_ Steve. Why the _hell_ did you do that?”

 

“Are you…” Steve twisted to face him, wincing as he did so “ _Bucky_.”

 

Oh no. That was Steve’s I-am-being-patient-and-understanding voice. That meant emotions were about to happen.

 

“Bucky,” Steve continued, completely ignorant of Bucky frantically trying to shove a mountain of emotions into a molehill-sized mental box “If I hadn’t done it, it would’ve been you.”

 

No. No. Everything in Bucky screeched to a halt; a wave of ice cold washed over him. Like hearing the war declared, like being drafted, like being captured, like plummeting, nothing to hang on to, grasping anyway, milliseconds before he knew he would die.

 

He knew Steve loved him. Knew Steve would fight for him, knew Steve would do a lot for him- they were best friends. But he... _Bucky_ was the one that loved the most. Bucky had always been the one that loved the most.

 

“What?” he rasped, own throat suddenly bone dry.

 

Then Steve was frowning at him, looking like he thought Bucky’s screws were loose again “Buck, Thanos, was-”

 

“I know that.” Bucky grit out, voice deadly calm. Steve paled, which was a feat considering how little blood there already was in his face “Why did you get in front of it?”

 

“In front of you.” Steve insisted, like that made it better “Look,” his eyes widened, earnest in a way that made something a lot like panic but warmer flood Bucky’s chest “I wasn’t gonna let you get tortured again. Not by anyone. For anything.”

 

Well, Bucky wasn’t too keen on torture himself. But that didn’t excuse Steve getting himself hurt.

 

“You could’a yelled, Steve. Hell, pushed me out of the way.”

 

“Really,” Steve asked, unimpressed “Because shoving you in a combat situation would work so well for me?”

 

“I wouldn’t hurt you.” Bucky declared; then he swallowed, stomach tight “Badly. Look, that’s not the point- the _point_ is that you put yourself in harm’s way for no reason and I-”

 

“No reason?” Steve cut him off, scowling “Bucky, I thought you were- Your safety is not ‘no reason’. It’s the furthest thing.”

 

“It is if it’s getting you hurt!” he exploded.

 

They both froze, Bucky looking to Sam. He was fairly sure the man was awake, and Bucky dreaded to think for how long he had been, but he was politely pretending to be fast asleep.

 

Bucky lowered his voice to near inexistence, leaning in closer to Steve so that he could hear “Look, I know you’re trynna be a good friend or whatever, and that might fly for the others,but don’t you _dare_ risk yourself for me again. I am _not_ worth you. _No-one_ is worth you.”

 

“You _are.”_ Steve practically snarled, nails digging into Bucky’s hand, which was still entwined with his “You’re worth-”

 

“I don’t care what you think I’m worth, Steve!” he snapped, even though he really did, “Look-”

 

He inhaled, feeling the hike in his pulse as a peripheral detail of what was sure to be one of the pivotal moments of his life. Practically every part of his brain that still had a social scruple was begging him not to do this now, to at least avert his eyes- but he stared steadily at Steve as he spoke. He at least owed the man he used to be that much, if not the romantic confession he’d always daydreamed about.

 

“Steve. I’d die for you, okay? I’m in love with you, I’ve been in love with you for- fuck, I don’t know how long, and I’d die for you. A thousand times. More. So-” he swiped at his eyes, cursing the tears that had gathered there _again_ “So let me, okay? It doesn’t matter what obligation you feel, or if you think you owe me, or whatever- just please don’t make me live in a world that you’re not in. _Please.”_

 

“Buck- You- I-” Steve floundered, eyes glazed in shock. Bucky turned away, but Steve tugged him close again, thumb starting up a methodical journey across his knuckles and back, over and over until Bucky’s shaking shoulders stilled.

 

“I think we need to have a conversation.” Steve said, voice soft; once more, Bucky’s heart sank “Actually, a lot of conversations. But first: you think you,” he hesitated, working his mouth around the syllables like they were a novelty “Love me more than I love you?”

 

Bucky nodded, words locked away by Steve’s depthless eyes.

 

“You’re wrong.” Steve said, still so painfully gently, slightly husky “You must be, because until now I think I must’a thought exactly the same as you.”

 

“What?” Bucky rasped.

 

“I’m in love with you, too, Buck. And I’m sorry that I scared you, but I’m not sorry that I did what I did. I guess you could say it’s selfish, but....Buck, I’ve always hated seeing you in pain. I don’t think you ever really noticed, but I have, and I’d rather die than see you tortured again. Let alone killed. Not again.”

 

“What?” Bucky could only whisper, shocked “But you’ve always…”

 

“Always what?”

 

“Well, with women you’ve always…”

 

“Not been able to talk to them?”

 

“No-”

 

“Flirted.” Sam cut in.

A brilliant blush immediately began to creep up Steve’s neck as he realised Sam was in fact awake. Bucky shook his head fondly, heart swelling with a rush of pure affection.

 

“Yes.” he agreed, snorting at Steve’s bewildered expression.

 

“Not _that_ much!” Steve protested.

 

“You started hitting on your ex-girlfriend’s niece.” Sam pointed out, deadpan.

 

“Well she didn’t tell me, so how was I supposed to know?”

 

“You literally kissed her, like, two days after that.”

 

“In front of me.” Bucky added.

 

Impossibly, Steve blushed harder, looking like he wanted to melt into a puddle.

 

“You know, there’s a word for that,” Sam said conversationally “It’s called polyromantic.”

 

“I’m not.” Steve replied “Which isn’t bad! Are you…?” Sam gave him a look “Okay, well, I’m not. I’m just…”

 

“Really-”

 

“Really-”

 

“Catastrophically-”

 

“Bad-”

 

“At talking to women.” Bucky finished, sharing a grin of triumph with Sam as Steve groaned and squeezed his eyes shut, given that he couldn’t bury his face in his hands.

 

“I can talk to Nat.” he grumbled. Then he sat bolt upright, exclamation morphing into a moan of pain.

 

“Steve!” Bucky scolded him, shoving him back down.

 

“I forgot Natasha. How could I forget Natasha? I’m such a bad friend. How is she? How’s everyone else? What happened with Thanos? Did you defeat him?”

 

“Chill, dude.” Sam instructed, patting Steve on the shoulder “It’s all good. Thanos ain’t gone, but he’s not coming back just yet. And everyone else is fine. Heal up before you start trying to organise an army.”

 

“Yeah, okay.” Steve agreed mulishly “But you too, Sam, alright?”

 

“Yessir.” Sam agreed, standing up to go. As he reached the door, tiredness clear in his gait, he turned to throw a loose salute to Steve, adding- to Bucky’s surprise and, though he wouldn’t admit it, pleasure- a nod in Bucky’s direction. Solidarity in Steve-management, he guessed. The lab door closed with a barely-audible snick, and they were left alone.

 

“Sam heard all of that, didn’t he?”

 

“Yep.” Bucky confirmed, popping the ‘p’.

 

“He is never gonna stop teasing us about that.”

 

“Nope.”

 

“You should sleep, Buck.”

 

He shook his head, though he was yearning to lie down now that the danger was over “Don’t wanna leave you alone.”

 

“I never said leave.” Steve smiled, cheeky but also slightly insecure.

 

Bucky eyed the slab cautiously.

 

“I’ll check with Shuri, but if it’s okay...Yeah.”

 

“Great.” Steve grinned “Wow.”

 

“Having a moment, there?” Bucky teased.

 

Steve brought Bucky’s hand up to his mouth and kissed his knuckles, tentative but nevertheless sure. Bucky’s heart clenched, for once, with something other than fear.

 

“Yeah. I just found out the guy I love loves me back. It’s kinda a big deal.”

 

“Oh, really?” Bucky rested his head on the slab, looking up at Steve through his lashes “In that, case, I guess I gotta say ‘wow’ too.”

 

“Yeah,” Steve smiled, eyes drooping “I guess.”

“Sleep, Steve.”

 

“Okay,” Steve sighed in reply “Love you.”

 

“Love you too.” Bucky replied, because he could, as Steve’s eyes drifted shut once again.


End file.
